Blog #3: Going the Distance

The one thing that I definitely wanted to focus on in this blog is online friendships and relationships. Today, I heard my group discuss their opinions about online dating. Most of the comments made were geared towards the idea that you can’t fall in love online or keep an “honest” relationship. Honestly, I think that is complete bull. I have firsthand experience with an online relationship and I also know others who have experienced them too. There are many experiences that I can recall, but two particular ones always stick out in my mind. The first was a boy named Devin that I met my freshman year of high school on a site called Myyearbook. We would talk every day, he knew everything about me. I trusted him to keep my deepest darkest secrets and I knew that he would be there for me no matter what. After a few months we found out that he lived near my dad so I would spend my weekends up there. We hung out in “real life” and everything was the same. We still joked around and shared things no one else knew about us. It was one of the greatest friendships I’ve ever had. Before that friendship, I always felt completely alone and different, but he showed me that there is always going to be someone out there who is going to love you for whom you are. Unfortunately, he committed suicide before I entered 10^th grade, but I will always remember him fondly because he taught me so many things about myself. Friendships can be formed and kept. Especially because you know how to contact them whenever you want. I find that when I’m home for the summer, the only way I can talk to my friends from here is on the internet. It’s a necessity in my life for that very purpose. I also know how to balance my internet time and time spent with my, I guess you could say, “real” friends.

Another experience I’ve had was with an online relationship. I met Jamison on the same site and we talked everyday: on the site, AIM, phone, etc. We were together on and off for 4 years and we still talk to this day. Even though I still have yet to meet him face-to-face, I can honestly, truly say that at the time I was in love with him. I really do believe that you can find love online. Just because the person lives hundreds or thousands miles away, doesn’t mean you can’t care about them. Its true that you never really know someone until you live with them, but doesn’t that give me the right to say that you don’t really know your own boyfriend/girlfriend because maybe you don’t live with them. Distance is hard, but it’s possible as long as you both are willing to be honest and take time out of your day to make the other person feel that you really love them. Some people can’t handle it and that’s ok. But you can’t tear something down that you’ve never experienced. Besides, many of you could probably say that you have met at least one person online that you liked. It could be the guy that lived down the hall that you didn’t have the guts to talk to till you chatted on Facebook. To me, that is the same as the start (and notice I said START) of an online relationship. The only difference is that you are able to walk a few feet and see him when you do muster up the courage.

On the response sheet to Second Skin, there is a quote that reads “These computers on our desks are turning into portals to other realms of existence…realms that will one day be preferred to Earth.” Some people may prefer them completely to the real world. Maybe it’s easier to for them to talk to someone online because they are too shy face-to-face. But can you blame them. The documentary said that we have created a hostile world that judges people constantly. The internet provides an escape for the things you sometimes just can’t change. How is this any different from reading a book or going for a long run by yourself? I think that as long as you find balance in your life and don’t let the internet consume you, it’s a perfectly fine escape.

There’s also a quote from Culture Jam on page 60 that could people a perfectly good reason as to why they prefer the virtual world, “Even in good neighborhoods…women don’t jog alone after dusk. News agencies report that crime rates are falling, but no one feels safe.” You can apply this concept to the reason why some people prefer dating and friendships online. Say you make a friend on the internet that starts to get really annoying, constantly bugging you to talk to them, almost stalker-ish. There’s this neat little thing called the block button that you can use to make them “go away”. But if you have a real life boyfriend who begins to stalk you then you have to get a court order, move away, change your name, the whole shebang. I’m not saying that running away from your problems is always a good thing, but it’s helpful to know that if you do meet someone creepy online that there’s always ways to disappear in their world.

I think too many people jumped to conclusions when they were watching Second Skin because it showed the extreme side of the online world. Not everyone lets it consume their life. You just need to understand that even people that seem “normal” in your eyes could be having an online relationship or have a bunch of friends from all over the world that they’ve never met. The internet is not as bad as you think it is.